Justin Foeppel

“I’ll give you a call back tomorrow.” Jason texted his mom as he silenced his ringing phone. Today wasn’t a good day to talk. There was too much to do. Tomorrow should be more convenient. Tomorrow came. Emails, workout, shower, walking the dog, computer work, lunch, more work, dinner, talking with the wife. All that came and went. It was getting late, but that phone call back to Mom still needed to get done. Too late, don’t feel like it. Maybe tomorrow.

‘I’m going to start a business so I have more autonomy over my schedule and so I have more control over how much money I make.’  Karen committed to herself after years of considering such a move. She had just finished listening to someone with a similar story to hers on one of her favorite podcasts. Inspired from the story, she registered an LLC and started working on her business plan late one night after the kids were put to bed. Shortly thereafter, she opened a bank account in the LLC’s name on the way home from picking up the kids at school. She wrote some ad copy for her new website. Composed some Tweets for the business’s Twitter account and scheduled them for publishing. One night, after a couple weeks of working on the business in her spare time, she needed a rest. It felt good to have some time to herself without any commitments. Every other moment of the day seemed full: working, getting the kids breakfast and off to school, trying to eat healthy herself, grocery shopping, cleaning the house, fighting the constant chaos of clutter that comes from a young family living in a house (it never looked like HGTV around her home). The next day she had some free time and a sense of dread rolled over her. Work on the business or have some down time again? Maybe it wasn’t worth it to work on the business?

“I’m game to read The Beginning of Infinity together. It should be fun and help us understand the book better.” Stacy said. “That’s great, should we read the first chapter by next week?” replied Marianne. “Sure.” Stacy said. Next week came and went. Neither Marianne nor Stacy finished the first chapter.

Whatever the reason, there are always good reasons not to follow through. I thought I wanted to, but then I didn’t. I was too busy. My understanding of the situation changed so I found it easier to go back on my word than to follow through on a commitment to less favorable terms. I felt pressured to agree, but then found later I didn’t agree. I don’t even notice in the moment when I’m agreeing to something because I want to be liked. It’s only later on that I realize I didn’t actually agree. My present self committed my future self to something and when my future self turned into my present self, my now present self protested. I thought I really wanted to lose weight, but when the moment came to eat healthier and less, I found I didn’t want to. I thought it was worth it, but when it came to doing it, it didn’t feel worth it. I agreed to do it, but then a better opportunity came along that I wanted to pursue. I didn’t know where to start. I feel blocked when I go to engage in the task. It’s too overwhelming; I want to do it, but I’m afraid I won’t do it well enough.

Convenience, self doubt, motivation, whatever the case, it’s hard to follow through. Really hard. There are so many reasons not to follow through. It’s not always clear when I should and when I shouldn’t…half the time it seems like I committed to something without thinking.

How to improve?

First, be careful in my speech. Practice pausing before committing. Ask to be able to respond later. If it doesn’t involve others, keep my commitments to myself. If I do share the commitment publicly, be ready to keep it or explain later why that commitment is being abandoned so that it can’t be abandoned casually.

Second, if the commitment was already made to someone else, follow through ALWAYS. Never break commitments made to others. If I misspoke, follow through anyway. Maybe next time, I’ll be more careful in my speech. If there is a good reason besides my own convenience or whim, explain it to the other partiers. Leave it up to them whether I can break my word or not. And gauge them for any non-verbal signs that it’s not okay. Keep my word when in doubt. In Jason’s case above, I would keep my word. It would take longer to gauge whether it’s okay to break it than to keep it in the first place. Make it painful and inconvenient for myself to break my word.

Third, if the commitment is to myself only and others aren’t relying on it, I need to examine how the decision was made. Was it thoughtful and deliberate? Then keep it. Follow through regardless of how it feels. Keep in mind why that decision was made. Remind myself that I already decided. My present self doesn’t have a choice in the matter, I decided already so I’m doing it. Periodically, I can reevaluate the choice. Maybe I need to schedule the reevaluation so it doesn’t become a daily reevaluation. Once a quarter or once a year maybe. Put the reevaluation on the calendar so I know right now isn’t the time to reevaluate. I’ll do it when the scheduled appointment time with myself arrives. Don’t make commitments to myself unless they are thoughtful and deliberate. I need to practice with myself what I’m trying to practice with others. Namely, being careful in my speech. I may not be speaking to myself, but I’m thinking to myself. And I need to be as careful with my thoughts as I am with my speech. That way I can integrate these habits. If I’m reliable to myself, it will be easier to be reliable to others.

Observe successful, admired, trusted, and loved people and institutions. You’ll notice they all exhibit these habits. If you are having a hard time following through, practice these three tactics. Choose one of the above and focus on it until you feel you have mastered it. Then add the others one by one. Realize that until you can rely on yourself, others won’t be able to rely on you either. To accomplish anything with others, you’ll need to be reliable. The more reliable you can be, the more you can accomplish with others. And, don’t forget, reliability isn’t just following through; that’s only half of it, the visible half. The invisible half is making sure to be careful with your word so you don’t have to follow through on things in the first place.